Tuesday, 26 June 2012

half a week

On Saturday we went to a birthday party, I was giving my squiggly friends son a lift to party. We had to go past elephant rock. Elephant rock is so cool, big rock shaped like an elephant, locals paint messages on it all the time. On the way to party we saw people painting, so had to check it out on the way home.

Zach and his friend Master J

We have been playing with duplo.
This is Nessie, She is a plesiosaur
It says pac-man, for some reason I can't rotate the photo

Zach is wanting to help wth cleaning dishes, but only cups and bowls, that's ok.

I made apple strudel, used old apples that were a bit soft, can't throw them out. was very yum for breakfast.


went op shopping today, very excited to find circular needles for a dolla  and found some more wool as well. going to search on ravelry for more patterns.
so what have you all been up to this week?

Saturday, 23 June 2012

new shoes and a fish named inky

It is approximately ten weeks since I last bought Zach a new pair of shoes and that is not how long they lasted. This week was a gumboot week because his shoes seriously wouldn't cut it in this weather, the toes are falling off. But Friday mornings, Zach has PE and I knew he would need runner,. so Thursday night we did the dreaded shoe shop. A few days prep was done, ie "no Zach, I don't think your dad can fix your shoes, he doesn't have special shoe glue" "shoe glue is very expensive, might be best if we buy shoes" the you're growing doesn't work, Zach believes that although he is getting bigger, his feet are not. Still with all the prep work, on our way to Fountain Gate, there were tears. He didn't want new shoes, "don't throw out my shoes, i don't want my feet measured either" I even tried to bribe him with ice cream or donuts. "NO, I think they might be too sticky!"
Walking into the building, still tears, walked past the the pet store, on impulse I said "Zach if we get you new shoes, I will get you a fish"
"Oh, OK, I think I need to get my feet measured" just like that, tears gone, walked into our regular shoe shop like he owned the place. Feet measured, shoes chosen, within five minutes and he wanted to keep wearing them!

We walk out and next to the shoes shop is Target with big signs TOY SALE! yeah Zach runs in
so he is rooming around the toy section, eyeing off all the 'cool' stuff, I sneakily put a video camera on lay by for him, takes still photos too and on sale for $39 cool birthday present I think. He'll love it.
went to the book section, had to get a birthday present for party on Saturday, found Animalia, yep classic, can't go wrong with that.

And So Excited found a book for Zach, it's called 'Blowing in the wind' and comes with cd with the song, that is for his birthday or Christmas. I'll decide at the start of December when I check the present stash inventory in the top of my walk-in-wardrobe, yes I'm starting the birthday/Christmas stash in June, also found another 'peanuts' dvd.So found Zach, holding some toys, I say "I thought we were going to get you a fish"
"Oh, I was just looking" puts them back so quick.
Outside Target Zach sees ice cream, near tantrum, reason with Zach did he want ice cream or a fish.

Zach chose a beautiful Siamese fighter with a silvery blue tail, no goldfish for us, they poo to much, don't want to clean bowl every two days. Zach wanted to call him pacfish. i said he is blue like Inky, oh , he liked Inky better, so the fighter is called Inky

The whole way home, there were discussions about Siamese fighters, warnings to drive carefully, no I couldn't play music, "fish don't like songs, they might get terrorised"

I cleaned out the fish bowl, I had my wrapping paper in it, conditioned the water, found pebbles and a silk plant and Inky had a new home.

Kitty who sleeps all day, sleeps all night, saw the bowl in the bedroom and suddenly looked very alert. I go to make hot chocolate, I hear yelling from  the bedroom, I go to check it out. Mr protective has carried kitty out of the room, "kitty tried to eat my fish, she jumped up" Ok, so the cat that Zach loves is now not allowed in the bedroom. later in bed all I can hear at the door is the cat, she wants to come in.
So decided to put Inky in the other bathroom, where the puppy's are, it's warm, the chihuahuas can't jump up on the counter and kitty doesn't go there because she doesn't like the puppy's.  Zach ok with that solution. now need to ensure in future that Zach doesn't try to take inky into the bath with him

Today, is now Saturday, Auskick is cancelled due to super mudbath conditions, so that means sleep in ☺
Wrapped Animalia and Zach decorated the paper.

 A few more layers on, so cold today and we ready to go!
Enjoy your weekend! x♥x♥

Sunday, 17 June 2012

I can't cry

I haven't cried since November 19, 2009. I can't cry, well I can, but only every few years and then I cry a few years worth of tears. Today my mother nearly made me cry. My parents came to visit yesterday, I dread their visits, my father can be helpful, today he mowed part of the yard, but he does go on about the cost of maintaining a house. My mother will offer to help with something and then bitch and moan about how big a job it is, it is far more pleasant if she doesn't say anything.
Zach and I went to auskick this morning, came home, my mother was doing some laundry (hers) Zach and I were sitting at the table, I was having a coffee and enjoying it. My mother sits down with us and when my dad goes outside to do something, it all comes out. "when are you going to clean up this place!" "you need to get rid of all this junk" "he still sleeps in your room" "you're addicted to shopping, look at at this place" "your garden needs so much work" " if you can't look after this place, move somewhere that you can"
Ok my carpet has seen better days, I am behind in laundry, there are toys that make there way out of the toy room and there is clutter around. Those who know me, know I am a bit free and not into cleaning my house every hour of the day.
While my mother is having her rant, Zach, my beautiful sweet boy, who so often seems as though he is not aware of what is going on around him, was sitting beside me stands up and pust his arms around me. "you're upsetting my mum, you're upsetting my mum" "we love all this, this our home" "you're upsetting my mum"
I wanted to cry because he is only seven and shouldn't have to feel like he has to stand up for his mumma and because he did that and I just find it so hard to tell my mother to back off and let me live my life how I want to.
My mother stopped, but I can tell she is angry with me, I don't live like her, I don't do things the way she does and I don't live to clean my house all day, every day. She is full of anger, angry her children don't live how she want them to live, angry that three of us are getting divorced, angry my second brothers ex wife has just remarried, angry her youngest child doesn't want to get married, angry that I don't confide in her about anything, angry that I'm not angry. She just angry.
I just can't be angry. I can't cry either.
They left to have lunch with my younger brother. Later Zach sat next to me looked me in the eyes and said "your mother upset you" and he gave me a hug.
He then made a creeper mumma and a creeper kid out of duplo, "they a creeper family".  Later he said "you and me a family" I love that boy!


Take care x♥x♥

Tuesday, 12 June 2012

the photos we carry

It is one in the morning, I am on my second of three night shifts.
I talked to Zach on the way into work tonight. He had been to his grandparents with his dad. He was excited to tell me that he'd played with toys that were his dads when he was a boy. He so gets the connection to the past and now, he loves hearing stories about when I was little.
At work, an elderly lady was putting her money in her wallet, I saw an old black and white photo of a stunning young lady and one of a young man. I asked is that you? It was, I told her she was beautiful, I said you must have beautiful children. She was so pleased and told me about her grandchildren. Were the photos in her wallet a reminder of how beautiful she was fourty years ago, I don't know. So often I catch glimpses of the photos people carry. Most often they are of the grandchildren, photos of loved ones and I think that is so special.
I don't carry photos in my wallet, but my phone and I'm sure everyones phone these days are full of photos. I like to show off my Zach.

Monday, 11 June 2012

The tigers

It's four am, Monday morning and I am on my third break at work, in a few hours I'll be heading home on the train. I'll sleep all day and go back to work again tonight, I won't see Zach at all today, he is with his dad.
We went to the MCG on Saturday afternoon, to watch his team play. He likes the Richmond Tigers. It was our second game ever, the last time we went was a year ago. We went with friends and watched Richmond play Hawthorn. Richmond got their but kicked. Zach saw people wearing shirts with the tiger face on it and decided he wanted one too. I remember him telling my friend that he liked the Tigers and she felt bad for him when she told him "but they're losing" he didn't care.
I bought him a tiger shirt and he wore it to auskick each week last year, it's now getting a bit short on him, but I don't want to buy a larger size unless he still likes the tigers. He's only seven and could still change his mind about who he follows. But it looks like he is still keen on them.
We caught the train into the city. It was rainy and we had matching blue gumboots on.
As we were walking to the MCG, I discovered Zach doesn't understand the word 'against' I told him Richmond was playing against Freemantle. He wanted to know who Richmond versus? Ok it's Richmond versus Freemantle. What colors they are? I had to ask someone what Freemantles colors were, they told me, but looked at me very strangely.
We somehow ended up sitting in reserved seating. Part way through the third quarter, Zach needed to go toilet, we had talked about what happens if he needed to go, he needed to ask, no running off, or mumma would get very worried. He asked! And I could tell he wanted to go by himself, so I let him go, he said he knew where to go. I gave him a few minutes then I went and waited outside the toilets for him. I let him go just that little bit and I was ok.
Richmond was tie for a while, but then they lost. Zach was getting restless and with fifteen minutes to go was wanting to go home. I figured if you're going to follow a team, you'd better stick it out to the sometimes bitter end, so we weren't going till that siren sounded. By the last five minutes I hoped that they would miraculously kick a few goals, but no.
Zach started to cry, when he realised his team lost. I told him not to cry about that, I pointed to the players, they started shaking hands with each other as soon as the siren went. I told him the players were saying to each other 'well done' I explained to Zach if he loses at something, he straight away needs to shake hands with the winner and say 'well done' or 'good job' and if he wins, he needs to shake hands with who ever lost. No crying if you lose and no teasing if you win, I want him to be a good sport regardless if he wins or not.
He did seem to take in what I was saying, time will tell.
And we did have fun, regardless of who won.
Finishing this off on the train, only so much you can write in a half hour break.
It is now my night, so off to bed I go, sweet dreams to me and a good morning to you all x♥x♥

Thursday, 7 June 2012

I broke a cup

This morning I broke a cup and it upset me. I know it's just a cup, but I get attached to my cups.
One of my favorites was a mug given to me when I think I was maybe 17 or 18 from one of my high school friends, it had a picture of a tabby cat pouncing on a mechanical mouse, I loved that cup. I broke that one around three years ago and I was devastated! I know just a cup, but I had it over 15 years and the the picture was so cute!
A few years ago, I packed up the car and drove up to Canberra with Zach to see an art exhibition. I wanted to see 'Starry Night I got a poster, it's still rolled up somewhere, and a cup with 'Starry night' by Vincent van Gogh on it, that is my coffee cup.

Over a year ago, I went to the European masters art exhibition and I bought a cup with 'Walchensee in winter' by Lovis Corinth on it. That is my tea cup when I feel like drinking tea.

On our first trip to the new Ikea in Springvale, Zach and I choose some chunky happy flower mugs. They are the best for hot chocolate!

After Valentines day this year I bought a few heart mugs, they were such happy cups and I wish I bought more.

Yes, the cup I broke this morning was a happy heart cup, now it is a broken heart cup. I hid the broken cup from Zach, he would have been more upset than me, I think.

On Mother's day this year, Zach and I went to Polly Woodside and I bought him a cup with Polly Woodside on it.

Every night, Zach and I have a hot chocolate milk together, while we read our stories before bed and before saying prayers.
I think the right cup makes your drink taste better, could be just in my head. but if anyone sees a mug with a picture of a cat pouncing on a mechanical mouse, or cups with happy hearts on them, send them my way. X♥X♥


Tuesday, 5 June 2012

One day to Scotland we will go

There is a little boy asleep next to me, in his arms is a Loch Ness monster that he made with his dad.
It is called Nessie and she is made out of metal and is not very cuddly.

Zach loves the Loch Ness monster and knows a lot about her. She is a girl plesiosaur, is 15 meters long, likes to swim in deep water, eats pacman fish and might be scared of us.
Zach loves the map feature on my iphone and the ipad, we find Scotland and zoom in on Loch Ness.
We have to go fly there one day and drive around Loch Ness, we can't go swim there because the water is deep water and is only for Nessie and she might be scared of us if we go in the water.
I told Zach we can't swim there because it is also to cold to do that.
Good night and sweet dreams x♥x♥

I got rid of games

Zach loves minecraft and I got the free version of it on his iPad and I made sure it was the creative version with no creepers or zombies. Zach is addicted to it, so addicted that his toys aren't being played with even Lego is being neglected.

On Saturday morning was auskick, I told Zach he needed to join in and be involved, we had a few good mornings at the start and it went downhill. I told him if he didn't get involved I would get rid of minecraft , I don't think he thought I would follow through with the threat.
I wasn't asking him to talk or look at the other children or make eye contact with them, just wait in line when he has to and kick or handball the ball when it is his turn and to participate in the warm ups. He didn't and was refusing to take part in everything, even in the games as well.

When time to go home, as we getting into the car I asked him if he thought he joined in, he said "no". We got home and I took minecraft and a few other games of the iPad. There were major tears, yelling and hitting, I did not give in.

 I told him if he joined in at the next auskick, minecraft or another game could come back on the ipad. That afternoon he went to his dad's house and ten minutes after I dropped him off, I got a phone call from Zach's father. Zach was upset enough to tell his dad about the not joining in and minecraft deletion. Zach can be hard to decipher and I had to explain it all.

I had to force the issue because he does tend to be addicted to the screens, games or tv or computers to the point of ignoring everything else. but sometimes it is just so hard to deal with anger and tears that comes with enforcing rules

So that afternoon, before a night shift,  I went to the MSO at the Melbourne town hall, Mozart 'symphony 41'  and Holst 'the planets' . I went with a friends younger sister, I hasn't seen her in over twenty years I think. A bit random, I had a spare ticket and asked on Facebook for someone to take it. We meet under the clocks, the last time I saw her, she was maybe 8 years old, recognised her straight away. Funny how you can know someone years after not seeing them, they change but still look the same and you can still pick them out of a crowd.