Working bee

Zach and I went to the school working bee today, I worked my but off, raking mulch and other odd jobs. It was fun, Zach had fun too, he had a few other kids to play with.
I started chatting with one of the mums later in the day, her two oldest go the high school and she homeschools the younger four children, I think she is amazing to do that. I'm assuming she must be so organised. 
Her second youngest was playing with Zach and they so clicked even with a two year age gap. She was even making plans for Zach to visit. I'm like 'Whoa, let your mum work out when is best' I talked to her mum, she says 'that's the problem with homeschooling, they don't get enough social interaction' So we worked out, when I think Zach is due for a mental health day off school, we will visit. I love that Zach has made a new friend! and me too!
I was going through my photos the other day and discovered Zach took photos at Irish dancing. Cheeky Boy! 

The other week I bought some new mugs from kmart, they have combi-vans on them, cute hey! 

  

Four huge garbage bags full!

Today I went to a Irish dance class, I was invited by my cryptic crossword friend, She is very good! It was fun and on Mondays that I'm not working, I think I will be dancing. Zach can sit and watch or play on his ipad. Before the class started, he wanted me to turn down the ipad volume so the dance teacher wouldn't get upset by the noise. He dosen't realise the hard dancing shoes drown out everything.
Very excited, today I also got the program for next years concerts for the MSO (Melbourne Symphony Orchestra) starting to choose which ones I'll go to.
Also looking online at whats on in darwin, I told my mum "just go and book tickets if you want" I've decided to book four weeks leave in the middle of next year for my Nullarbour trip and book tickets for the train on the way back. more time to save and also allow more time and go up to Alice as well and go see the red center too! plans and dreams
I am so nice and tolerant, Dim had left my spare room full of his crap since he moved out. I had asked him occasionally to pick up stuff. Now telling him. Sunday he picked up four huge garbage bags full of clothes and two boxes of stuff. He is a horder and was a bit overwhelmed by how much stuff he had left behind. The room still is chockers but he has started! What will I do with that room? more plans and dreams
Good night all xoxo

guilt f@#$*n guilt!

my parents have travelled to Darwin, they are visiting my oldest brother there. I have never visited Darwin and I haven't planned to in the near future either. I just got a text from the parents telling me to pick up my nieces from Brisbane next school holidays in September and take them to Darwin for the holidays and accompany them on the plane back to Brisbane when the holidays are over. the way it is worded is asking, but I know they telling.
I know my brother would like to see his daughters and Zach does like his cousins and I do have annual leave those school holidays and my brother hasn't seen his daughters since Christmas, Guilt F@#$%*n Guilt!
You see I had plans to go camping across the Nullarbour with Zach, just him and me and maybe a friend from work, on the open road, no constraints, no plans, freedom. Wildflower season, Whale watching, Treetop walk (maybe, heights freak me out!) Wave rock, Open road, No constraints!
But now, I am being guilted into spending my holidays with my brother and my nieces, I can't spend every day with them, they are very high maintenance girls. I want to be a tourist not a babysitter!

Quicksand

I have been trying to write this post for a few days now. Zach has had a fever on and off the last few days, a cough and a toothache. He has been home a few days from school and I have been working as well. So not much time for writing
Last Wednesday when I dropped Zach off at his dads ( lets call him dim, those are his initials ) I asked him if he could try to explain to Zach that I am not his girlfriend.
You see the other day when Zach was talking about S and C I said Zach maybe S is your dads girlfriend. Zach got very upset and insisted that I was, Dim moved out when Zach wasn't even two and a half. I don't think Zach even remembers his dad living with us, but still he thinks I am his dads girlfriend.
I said Zach was talking about S and C. Well Zach had meet them a few times in the six months that he was seeing S and last Saturday night was a sleep over. Zach was being himself, he can't be anyone but himself. No meltdowns or upsets, but S couldn't handle Zach . So it had ended, Dim was angry, S hadn't even seen Zach at his worst. Zach is a pretty easy going child and gets along with most people.
I feel sorry for Dim, he is now really starting to appreciate Zach for who he is and is realising what he is missing out on. But he can't expect every one to just accept Zach as is, unfortunately it's human nature to be unaccepting. The right woman will come along and be a great stepmum, but it wasn't S.
A quote from Marilyn Monroe "if you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best" when Zach has a meltdown and goes into hysterics you have to be able to handle it somehow, but he is so thoughtful, caring and affectionate and fun and some days so articulate and comes out with stuff so profound. So if a person who is dating either his mum or his dad can't even handle him on an average day let alone at his worst then they aren't the one. I know I can't control who Dim goes out with or who could be Zach's possible stepmother, but I hope Dim chooses a woman of substance.
The whole dating thing scares me, I do want a relationship. Not just anyone. I wont go into what i want. But when it comes to Zach, someone who won't ask "why is is doing that" when Zach get so excited he starts his hand flapping, but will say "Zach clap your hands" and will clap their hands along with Zach and not be awkward about it. That's the sort of person who I could be with.
I worry how Zach would react to me seeing someone. He is still convinced that I am his dads girlfriend, I have tried to tell him otherwise. Some people have asked if I would ever go back there. Our lives have taken different paths, where the paths separated there is now a huge quicksand bog, I know if you lie on your back you can float on quicksand. I know just trying to float in a relationship and not sink into quicksand is not for me. I want to be me, I like being me. And I want someone who likes me too.

Zach's dad and someone

Last night Zach's and I were talking about the school holidays. He talked about visiting C. I didn't know who he was talking about. I asked if he visited with his nanna and pa or with his dad. With his dad, of course I'm wondering which of his friends has a little boy named C. So I ask does C have a mum or dad. A mum, her name S. then it clicked, Zach's dad has a girlfriend. and she has a boy younger than Zach. I'm assuming it's serious, you wouldn't introduce your children to each other unless it was. So Zach, was S nice to you? Yes. Good.
Me getting a little jealous here, I don't want some woman trying to steal my sons affections away from me, but also she'd better be good to him and try to understand that there is more to Zach than what you see. Look deeper to see what an amazing boy he is.
I do hope that it is serious and that his father is not foolish enough to introduce Zach to every woman that he dates. Time will tell.

school holidays week 3

I'm sitting in bed, having a glass of wine, Zach is asleep. In the morning, we will go to Auskick, the first for this term, his dad will meet us there. I will go to the city and meet friends at the gallery, go to work that night, sleep all Sunday day. Zach will hang out with his dad and hopefully go to the footy on Sunday and use the free tickets that I got for them. Zach will come home Sunday night and Monday morning we will get up early for the first day of term 3.
We had an extra week of school holidays, the state schools had only two weeks. Yet I didn't do everything with Zach that I planned to do. The Zoo, the art gallery . . .
I also planned to organise the sewing room, do some painting, sort through toys . . .
We did go to Bendigo. We did the gold mine, the wool mills, the Chinese museum, the Chinese gardens, the tram depot tour, tram rides, had hot chocolate.
We love Bendigo, we love the drive up to Bendigo. On the way there I always look out for the four chimneys of a house that long gone.

I always slow down so we can have a look at the polka dot house

and on the way home we look out for the 36 mailboxes all in a row

Bendigo has trams and a wool mill. Zach loves trams, I love wool.
We stayed overnight and I got us the Bendigo experiance ticket, includes gold mine tour, Chinese museum and garden, Bendigo pottery tour and unlimited travel on the tram, super great value!
We didn't have time for the pottery, but ticket is valid for three months and we will be back.

lunch at the Rose Cafe in Kilmore

at the goldmine

then we had a tour of the tram depot

In the garden at the Chinese museum

yes Zach is trying to catch the fish

hot chocolate and minecraft cake

the bats in the park

Whoops, thought that I had uploaded photos, now they are here : )

School Holidays

Last week Tuesday Zach got to visit his Nanna and Pa. They live in the Latrobe Valley, near where the earthquake was a few weeks ago. I packed his bag, we bought some apples and his milk and drove to their house. Their house is spotless and they have many breakables, but thankfully they are all in cabinets behind glass doors. They are stickelers for routine, so I knew he would get his multivitimens and omega 3 every morning with breakfast and his melatonin drops everynight at six pm.
He stayed five nights, I rang him everynight to see how he was going.
He was fine.
We had fantastic conversations, he told me all about the coalmine that they had visited, and all about the snow that they went to and all about the poodle puppy that Nanna and Pa have. He conversed! and he likes kiwifruit! He also said 'grace' at every meal and they were like 'oh, ok' and just went along with that.
Saturday, a friend had a book sale, she was decluttereing and selling over 400 books, so I arrived early after eating out for breafast to have a coffee and see what treasures could be found. I leant over the first lot of books, rummaged, stood up, ow, ow, ow! my back! anti-inflamitries, painkillers and amazing oil? drops? from my friends natropath.
I stayed most of the day, sitting up very straight and did find many treasures, some for me and many for Zach. We love books!
Monday morning I picked up Zach from his dad's house, we visited friends in the morning and friends in the afternoon, we were invited to have diiner with our friends at the local pub. I love not having the think about cooking sometimes. Zach had the fish and chips kids meal and I had roasted lamb shanks with mashed potato, roasted root vegetables with the best gravy, oh so delish! accompanied of couse by a lovely glass of red.
Enjoying these holidays very much and because Zach's school has three weeks for their midyear break, more fun stuff next week!
Time now for a yum coffee under the trees outside I think
x♥x♥